July 2, 2013, 4:01 pm. They can work together to work on his father-daughter relationship but if his attitude doesnt change itll be that much harder. A my worldview is the best worldview type of parenting works out for no one, as my mother found out. She may still resent her father and you! I tried to go fishing with my dad a few times when I was younger and it was the most boring thing on the planet. I love this woman, but theres no pleasing her. I mean, people always try to paint themselves in the best possible light and their opponent in the worst. Huge!! if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'therelationshipnotes_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_1',103,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-medrectangle-3-0'); My daughter seems to resent my husband, and my husband just doesnt seem to know how to connect with her. For instance my freshman daughter doesn't have a cellphone yet. Yeah, and you definitely dont win the parenting award when you focus more on getting your kid to be your ally, as opposed to sticking up for your child. for making her suffer through these things she finds boring, but the resentment will be short-term and the benefits will last much longer. Not knowing who the Beatles were, I thought it was something ABOUT beetles, and asked them Is it interesting? . For some reason I keep imagining LWs husband as Red Foreman and her daughter as Eric. It was always classic rock radio in the car, and at home he usually had some background music going, often from his own enormous collection of CDs that included everything from classic rock to blues to zydeco. Ask the GP: Could taking statins affect your dreams? I know that we all love the music from our generation. lets_be_honest lets_be_honest Yes. Nip . Shes all the better for it. What?! I love it. If he wants her to take an interest in his hobbies, he needs to feign interest in hers. Skyblossom Not from Scranton either! Theres nothing wrong with mindless pop culture, imo, so long as its balanced with things opposite that. Either the Dads behavior is bad enough that she needs to draw a line and tell him to stop with the eye-rolling and turning off the TV for no good reason; or it isnt and she needs to prioritize her marriage and get back to being team parent. Where is the suggestion to ask the daughter what she may want to do? Really so good and so true! I was bookish, nerdy and fangirly so I really connect with the LWs daughter. Ive been following you for years and while I dont always agree with your answers I think this was the most misguided and off the mark. Well done, as always, my friend. The wife should be supportive of his efforts, but he needs to act like a grown man and stop being so selfish. ). if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-4','ezslot_15',127,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-4-0');And since she loves you both, it can be tough for her to see you stay in a situation that makes you both so miserable. But mom, dont do the us versus him. July 3, 2013, 3:53 am, Music or even musical pop icons was, curiously, NEVER mentioned specifically by the LW. AITA for saying my husband's ex is interfering? : r/AmItheAsshole It sounds like your husband feels really left out and is more just reacting than being proactive about changing things. A lot of them could lean into things he likes Firefly could lead into an interest in science. Wendy, I too got the us against him mentality from this LW. Mommy and daddy present a united front. :: If you have a problem you need help with, email Fiona by writing to help@askfiona.net for advice. It's never easy when feelings like this are not returned, but she needs to accept that a relationship with this guy seems to be a non-starter. Watching their relationship blossom into a father-daughter one makes me realize how lucky I was when he became family to us. Its so longgggggggg! But that means he has to find something that *will* interest her, which means hes got to make some effort as well. Yeah, in retrospect, it probably would have been better for me to join a team sport I actually wanted too, but 7th grade me was too shy to do it. Another possible reason is that hes trying to save his daughter from being hurt, which is an admirable goal. Shes pulling away because hes hypercritical of her AND their daughter. Required fields are marked *. July 2, 2013, 12:43 pm, Shes 12 at what age are you supposed to be more able to enjoy mindless pop culture!?! I hated sitting through long sports games. Her daughter should stop liking it just because her mother likes it. Older and (hopefully) wiser Theres no reason why reading books and an interest in musicals and playing music make someone uninformed, one persons preference for geography over literature doesnt make them more informed than the other one! Shouldnt some autonomy be introduced at an appropriate age? 6napkinburger July 3, 2013, 1:06 am, Honestly, no matter WHAT the mom was a fan of my response would have been the same. Unless you are from PA, of course. Youre mad at your dad, not at me! Are you on Tumblr? Meh, I wouldnt call him a total jerk, I can see getting frustrated that not only does your daughter not enjoy the samethings as you, but now all of the sudden your wife doesnt either, just because your daughter doesnt. Instead of a camping trip they could go for a bike ride together, with a friend, or walk a trail in a local park. Amazing job today! Intelligent people can like these things but does that mean that a father should promote them? Like my sister loves Elvis, because my parents use to always listen to the Elvis hour on Sundays on the local oldies station, I didnt like Elvis then, so choose not to listen to it, I put my walkman on with Metallica, and Red Hot Chilli Peppers in it. When I was a kid in middle school, I clammed up and didnt develop my relationship with my parents because they were critical of my interests. Heck no! He had an inflated sense of self-importance that led him to believe he was superior and entitled to only the best. Just because you dont like Buffy and have introduced a bunch of facts that dont exist in the letter (your comment below about what the dad has been putting up with for years!?!) is the crux of your real issues here. Its like a circle of hell specifically for we of the ADHD. Also, I want to tell an awesome story about my dad. My husband has driven our children away with his dictatorial behaviour 04 May, 2019 01:00 You need to be gentle but honest with your friend about her crush MY HUSBAND is not an emotional. I assumed it was more than just playful eye rolling because of the added detail about disparaging remarks. Show interest in his interests. I had loving parents, and I thought Wendy was off and the dad seems a bit off and sounds degrading. You probably had no idea you were getting into this no-win relationship when it began. In the meantime, you can bolster your children's confidence and counter the ill effects of your husband's put-downs by constantly reassuring them of your love and affection. You dont always get to do the things you want and sometimes have to compromise. I adore them and love them as people, not just my parents. A parent who can laugh at themselves when they mess up, and teaches the kid to laugh at themselves and to see the humor without feeling attached is key. July 2, 2013, 11:03 am. The first theory is that her husband is jealous of the close relationship she has with their daughter. Thats unfortunate (to say the least! It seems way more acceptable to be a nut for sports but if you watch Buffy? He may feel like hes being left out or that he isnt good enough for his daughter. 1. I dont see the comparison between telling a small child about healthy eating habits and forcing them to eat veggies and this situation. Ask Fiona: My husband is driving our kids away, my friend has an I see it as a dad getting short changed and mom monopolizing time with daughter. One of my MILs (I am so lucky; I get three, FML) has a serious issue with me I mean epic butt hurt level, because I CANNOT do board games or card games. It struck me the wrong way, too. They gave me a mixtape with a whole bunch of different Beatles on it, and I am still a huge Beatles fan to this day. Theyve Seen Firsthand How Unhappy Their Parents Are, 3. So basically my husband has been their father as their biological father rarely sees them,maybe once or twice a year. Please dont suggest counseling communication is not an issue, as we have talked about these problems over and over. Entirely too much. HA! You are actually the only other person not from Scranton that has known what the show was! Sure, he dragged me out on hikes that I hated, and I was a brat and pain during many of them. Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. I get that it is tough to have her be mad at you sometimes even though you really enjoy the things she does, but that is just part of being a parent, and keeping a healthy marriage. I have to keep an eye on myself to make sure Im more mom than friend. LWs daughter should definitely be involved with some enriching activities, but theres no harm at all in loving media. And the Inner Light is a great episode, I watched it recently on Netflix. It cant be. I think visiting an air and space museum if shes interested in Star Trek is a great idea. Self-centered passive-aggressive husband driving me crazy How the States Got Their Shapes for one. Well-intentioned, devoted partners of crazy-making people can become obsessed with trying to find the magic potion that will make their partners happy and appreciative of their efforts. Dont you think that much of parenting is ramming things down their throat. On a side note, two weekends ago I went on a family camping trip. She can only control her own behaviour, which is why Wendy is addressing hers and not his. Give up some of your precious one-on-one time with your daughter so that your husband can take her hiking or camping or to a science museum. So, I have actually always been closer with my dad to be honest. AITA for not driving my wife to our son's wedding since I'm not invited? Another hallmark of BPDers is having such a fragile ego that their self concept is very weak, resulting in their having extremely weak personal boundaries. But, for example, my mom used to watch I Love Lucy and Alfred Hitchcock Presents late at night, and during the summers, Id stay up late, and I gradually developed a taste for both of them. Isolation One of the most common tricks of a mentally abusive partner is to isolate their victims from the rest of the world. My daughter is driving my husband away | Talk About Marriage I dont care that much about baseball, but my dad is a fanatic so I played catch with him in the backyard and had fun because we were spending time together. At that age when your self-esteem is barely functioning (middle school was a bitch for me and most women I know, even if you were cool and confident) I cant imagine how hurtful it must be for her to be mocked. I think the bottom line is that she is twelve- all of her interests could change in a year or two. I think its great that he invites her and wants to share his interests with her. See a different horoscope: Select This kind of self-awareness is never easy, and it is likely that he may need some professional help to overcome whatever it is that prevents him from opening up with those closest to him. July 2, 2013, 3:14 pm. Tell you daughter its important she spend time with her dad and why. I wouldnt say they are musical magicians or anything, but they can still put on a good show. Team sports, outdoorsy, tomboyish stuff. The letter says the daughter cant watch what she is interested in when he is around. July 2, 2013, 1:17 pm. When I got to college and met all these kids whod been exposed to more high-brow stuff than I had, I definitely felt like I had to play catch-up to at least even have an opinion on this stuff. Cant we at least celebrate that the things listed like Harry Potter probably indicate that the daughter is reading a lot of books not a bad thing , lets_be_honest I promise, the daughter will remember and cherish the efforts. I never did the gross stuff either. Can I get a 'corona divorce' from my quarantined family? lets_be_honest I was able to read teen magazines but they made sure it was balanced. July 3, 2013, 1:09 am, If the Mom is copying her daughters interests with such a vengeance its even more creepy. July 2, 2013, 11:40 am. Pull up plans of Serenity and compare them to the Space Shuttle. I mean, maybe? Guy asked me out and now makes me feel bad for saying no. Oh, This Old House. Shes driving me crazy and I dont know how long I can take it.. And relinquish some of your time with her so that your husband can have a chance to nurture his own relationship with her. This can look like moving to a far away place, convincing you your. Addie Pray Yeah, apparently mine were fans all along, but there were no records in the house, unlike the other two. Mythbusters and other shows have done a number of episodes on sci-fi meet reality, too. Hey, that kind of worked for me. July 2, 2013, 12:46 pm. If the individual is below the legal age of drinking at 21, the BAC level is usually around 0.02. When you did actually accurately zero in once in a while, you may have thrived enough on the intermittent reinforcement to hang in for subsequent disappointing rounds. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,100],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',135,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-3-0');Here are some things you can do: Its not always easy to find the right balance between your spouse and your child, but it is possible. At a certain point you just have to laugh at all the differences and enjoy the fact that the other person is having a good time! I didnt read an us vs. him vibe at all. Well, how nice for you that your 12-year-old daughter is interested in all the same things youre interested in! By virtue of him going about his business, I was interested and wanted to participate. there are people out there who dont know what This Old House is? In the last 2-3 years my husband and daughter have has a strained and tense relationship because of her actions and his attitude. You got a long with him just fine before she got in to this stage in life, and you need to act like a grown-up every once in a while, because this guys is losing his wife and his daughter, partly because you want to be her friend more than her parent all of the time. My dad did tell me they were awful back in the day but he still bought me all the tapes and magazines and t-shirts and let me plaster my walls with their posters and drove me to their concert. Once they believe that true love need not be obligatory and that intimacy is not automatically correlated with entrapment, they are often eager to learn new ways to make their needs and fears knownand let love in. We were never close because by the time I was a teenager, I felt like I couldnt be my own person around him and like I was always walking on eggshells so as not to pick the wrong activity to occupy myself with. He showed me culture, gave me an enjoyment of the arts and it was one on one time that was genuine. Maybe not, though. My free advice e-newsletter, Heroic Love, shows you how to avoid the common pitfalls that keep people from finding and keeping romantic love. His dad wasnt a particularly avid fisherman, he just thought it would be a good father-son activity. Liquid Luck (To be fair, I tried a couple of months ago when we started dating, but i couldnt understand a word during the fight scene, it was late and there was another 1.5 hours, so he turned it off so I could give it my full attention next time.) It actually kind of rocks once you get passed the first 20 mins (or watch them with subtitles). bittergaymark 6napkinburger I teach freshmen in college, and a lot of them are still Buffy fans. I would let him know that you are going to encourage her to hangout with him more, but he needs to also every once in a while do something she loves. Your email address will not be published. painted_lady Maybe he can break out the old Van Halen or Metallica for her to listen to and you know, maybe she will just really like it. Find a common ground youve got to. He doesnt have to like Star Trek, but he can respectfully engage her when she talks about this topic. The Substitute Wife: My Poor Husband is a Billionaire I think most people worry about their daughters if they arent active enough and lay around watching tv or reading too much. I read baby sitter club books and was part of the official fan club. Learning about give and take in a relationship is very important for a 12 year old (who can often be very self-centered at that age) to know. How the Courts Respond to Parental Substance Use. My mom put me in ballet because she thought it would be cute, which was fine, but I wish theyd made me do a sport for a while or a musical instrument. Hilary Duff has always come clean about her parenting journey over the years. If LWs husband is making LWs daughter think that shes less of an awesome person for not having the skills he wants her to have, instead of saying these skills will make her a more awesome person, than thats probably the main reason shes pulling away. Also, seriously, have you been on Tumblr? You and your husband are partners and your job is to guide your daughter lovingly into adulthood, giving her all the tools you can to be independent, strong, and self-assured. Distance In Relationship With Grown Child - Focus on the Family Unless its, you know, the lastest Madonna tour or album . This results in a reflexive coping mechanism that severely restricts their hopes and desires in life. Im not even saying all of the things listed are mature and intelligent, but that people can be smart and informed and still like these things. Hed come out and hit the ball or play catch or Horse. lets_be_honest Beware of These 5 Ways You May Unintentionally Push Your Man Away Most passive aggressive folks have two things in common: 1. I was saying thats debatable. 2.5K views, 176 likes, 19 loves, 3 comments, 12 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Inframundo Relatos: SPOTIFY:. We are this little team of 2. This jealousy can manifest in destructive behavior, such as belittling his wife or trying to undermine her relationships with others. By all accounts this 12 year old has healthy, varied, age-appropriate interests and Im not sure why dad cant serve a little honey with his vinegar. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. It could very well be a phase, too I used to be obsessed with Sailor Moon but you dont still see me walking around in a sailor outfit with a headband on. a single mom to her as her dad was never in the picture. Janet got the love and affection of a parent from the old maid who raised her. Just saying that I dont consider Buffy the Vampire Slayer a mature, intelligent show. My daughter and I are a lot like you and yours. Within a year of this, my dad became abusive. July 2, 2013, 12:42 pm. But as a kid/teen, I wanted him to play. You became a drudge, in spite of him being a great guy and loving you madlybecause. Substance Abuse and Child Custody | WomansDivorce After all, they are two different people with two different perspectives. What is this site, a Masters program? Crazy-makers often give up the love they most desperately need when they feel any sense of an obligatory payback.
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